this is my city now.

God being sick is the fucking worst.
But do you know what's worse than that? Everything.
An economic recession that means I cant find a second job to support me, someone who has become a brother to me completely ignoring me, an actual brother being really sick and in hospital, never having money, relationship problems, everything!

The world has become such a spiteful place in my eyes. I'm the first to admit that I'm far from your most motivated go-getter. People dont really understand me, I think. There are a lot of people who have awful opinions of me. People who think I'm a no-hoper. People who think I'm never going to achieve anything. Admittedly, at the moment, my current position may not seem too grandiose or fortunate, but we all start somewhere, don't we? If you'd like to supply that so-needed second job, or recomend a course of action for the labrynth that is my life at the moment, then feel free. Otherwise, kindly fuck off and suck my cock (obviously not in that order, the cock sucking would come first), I dont want to hear what you have to say. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and noones perfect, so again, with the fucking off and the cock sucking, you get my drift.

I have a friend. A very very good friend. Someone who I've come to love very dearly. He's validated so much in me. He's made me feel like at some point, everything will be ok. He's not speaking to me at the moment. How the hell do I get him back? He wont listen to reason, he wont listen to anything. I just want to talk to him. So much. I want to tell him about my brother being sick, and about that guy I asked on a date, and about how good Marilyn Manson's new album will be, and about how much I hate having a cold, and about that time yesterday when I stubbed my toe and it hurt like a motherbitch. What do people do when they dont have their one person? Assumedly, they sit on their porch smoking and drawing and listening to music for days on end.

I dont want to go the hospital to be honest. It kind of validates whats happening if I go there. I love my brother so much. He's been through hell and hes doing it all over again. Hopefully this time the problem is fixed once and for all and he can try to lead a "normal" life. Ha. Nothings normal anymore.

Heres hoping that some day soon, everything fixes itself.
Not likely.
<3.